As writers we are told to keep on writing even when you don't feel inspired to do so. And so I do, but often the results aren't worthy of sharing.
God has been working in my heart in ways that cannot be explained. I want to step up my commitment, my worship, and my obedience to Him. To do so I have to step back and examine where I really am and why I hold myself back from total devotion.
It's so easy to get caught up in 'feeling'. I want to have emotional, tangible sensations of God in my life -- mountaintop experiences. I do see God at work every day -- in each new plant that springs from the ground (oh...is THAT why they call it spring??), in the joy of a new parent showing off her baby at church, in the way a hummingbird gently tests each flower to see if it holds sweet food. But I don't always feel him at work in my heart.
Nevertheless I know he is there. I know that each day he has a lesson for me to learn. I wish I could say that I pay attention to them all, but some weeks go by and I think I must be sleeping through his class. But he is patient and he continues to repeat each lesson until he knows I 'get it'.
There are many things that I want to be doing for him right now, but he keeps telling me to wait...all things in HIS time. I wish I could get past the perspective that I should be doing something that feels worthwhile (there's that feeling thing again), but he keeps telling me to be worthwhile where I am. My desire to see results is really just an earthly desire. The results he wants may never be seen in my lifetime, and I have to trust that the little things he wants me to do right now are worthwhile from his perspective.
God reminded me today of the verses that are the basis for the name of this blog -- Lamentations 3:22-26.
22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
24 I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."
25 The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
26 it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.
Waiting quietly is a lesson he's trying to teach. I hope I get it down before he has to bring out the 2x4!