Doug asked me last night why I haven't been writing lately, and I burst into tears. Wow -- that was really unexpected! I haven't been writing because I really believe it's not worth putting the things I feel like writing these days in print. Our lives have been a blur of doctors visits, lab tests, and long conversations that tend to center around doctors visits and lab tests. Not very exciting reading OR writing.
And most likely the things I would write about would be either pretty personal feelings dealing with the impact of cancer in our lives or things that seem pretty selfish about me not finding time to do the things I think I need or want to do. When I'm tired and stressed it's hard sometimes to put life into the proper perspective.
So instead I've been bottling everything up, letting it carbonate. I guess it just blew out last night. Not good! But normal. I had a clue on Monday when I got a chair massage. The masseuse told me to relax my arm and let it hang straight down...then she burst out laughing and told me to look over at my arm. I was holding it almost straight out! She said I had some relaxation issues. I guess so.
I've promised Doug I'll find an outlet for the stress. I wish I could run, but I have bad knees, and I haven't felt very creative lately, but I think I'm going to have to.
So I'll work on getting back to my quilting, work on some blogs that aren't whiny (if they seem to head that direction or if I need to rant and rave, I've created a super secret blog that no one knows about so you don't have to read it!), and see what I can do to de-stress better.
In the meantime, I'd appreciate it if no one else in our house gets sick, moves out, or does anything else that adds to the stress level!